youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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