He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
