you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
