erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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