when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
