i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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