we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
