Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
