what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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