If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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