I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
