I bet he comes in French.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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