I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
