had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
