U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
