My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
