I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
