But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
