The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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