2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
