I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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