so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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