I think my fart just growled at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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