My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
