I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
