I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
