At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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