im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
