still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
