you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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