Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
