Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
