Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
