you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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