i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
