So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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