The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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