I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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