Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
