Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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