Kiss
Puke
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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