K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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