No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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