There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
