I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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