It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
