Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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