I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
