thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How does one acquire holy water?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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