By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
