I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
