imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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