I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
