i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This is my gift to your gina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
