the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
