I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
