fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
