Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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