The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
