The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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