My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
