You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
