Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
