That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
