Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
