just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
