when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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