I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.