the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my poor anus