You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.