i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.