I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish there were birth control emojis
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
