I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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