I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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